Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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