Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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