Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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