dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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