The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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