I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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