Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
