Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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