4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
