so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
