??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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