i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
