Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
