I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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