just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
