does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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