I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
