Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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