hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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