We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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