Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
