im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
