you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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