I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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