Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
