peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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