can we get nightvision for the apartment?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
