That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
