You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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