he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
