sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.