I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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