You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.