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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.

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  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

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• (253): View more from Washington

  at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.

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• (310): View more from California

  Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?

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  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I take it you're alive?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.

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