I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.