There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!