apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident