Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival