Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa