So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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