I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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