Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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