you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
