my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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