I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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