Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
