i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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