Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
