He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
