The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
