I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
