i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
