just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dude. I can hear the air.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
