The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
