ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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