Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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