he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
