you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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