I'm drive I can fine osifer
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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