he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
