I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
