I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
