oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
