cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
