Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
