We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
