she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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