Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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