I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
