Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the day after is always just damage control
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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