I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
