lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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