my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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