I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
