ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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