You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
