I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
