i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
