The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize