I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
